The 2015 GoKart Awards of the Year
Storm in a Teacup of the Year
At the WGC Cadillac Matchplay Championship in May, Miguel Angel Jimenez and Keegan Bradley almost came to blows. It was supposedly about a rules dispute but really concerned Jimenez telling Bradley’s caddy to butt out, with the words ‘Shut Up’ (after the caddy had allegedly mimicked Miguel’s accent). A furious Bradley resorted to the footballer’s trick of putting his face as close as possible to the Spaniard’s without actually head-butting him.
Runner-up
Britain’s best broadcaster, the BBC, can no longer afford to televise major sporting events. It’s a harsh economic reality so get over it.
Most confusing name of the Year (or any year)
Keegan Bradley. Or is it Bradley Keegan? Whatever.
Worst Decision of the Year
Suzann Pettersen. In the Solheim Cup fourballs she walked off the green when her opponent Allison Lee ran a putt to win the hole two feet past. Lee picked up and Pettersen claimed the hole. Suzann would have known that you stay around and watch your opponent hole out. If you walk off, the putt’s conceded.
Comeback of the Year
Team US, Solheim Cup. To the delight of everyone, after the Pettersen incident a fired-up American team overturned a 10-6 deficit in the singles to record a one-point win. Don’t jab a tiger with a sharp stick.
Where Did You Go? Award
Adam Scott. Why form, for even the best golfers, can disappear overnight, often remains a mystery. In Adam’s case it could be because he changed his caddy and has had to go back to a standard putter (using a claw grip) but someone of his ability shouldn’t disappear off the radar quite as effectively as he has done in 2015.
Player of the Year
Lydia Ko. Jordan Spieth had a tremendous year but Lydia had 17 top-10 finishes, including five victories, one of which was her first major, The Evian Championship, making her the youngest winner of a woman’s major in history. She is 18 years old.
Okay, just kidding. Impressive as Lydia was, Jordan won the first two majors of the year, missed out on a playoff at The Open by a stroke and was second at the US PGA Championship, while also gathering five wins in the season. Lydia was superb; Jordan was superber.
Saddest News of The Year
Tiger Woods. He not only says he has no idea when he’ll be fit enough to play again but seems to have joined the rest of the world in acknowledging that his major winning ways are over. He said: ‘I’ve had a pretty good career. For my 20 years out here I think I’ve achieved a lot. If that’s all it entails, I’ve had a pretty good run.’ Great careers so often end with a whimper, not a bang.
Hair of The Year
Donald Trump. The only contender for the prize he wins every season in recognition of the dead fox on top of his scalp.
Putting Disaster of the Year
Dustin Johnson. On the 72nd hole of the US Open, having hit two superb shots, the laconic American had a 12-foot putt to win his first major and two for a playoff. He three-putted.
Shot of the Year
Jordan Spieth. In the US Open he made a pig’s breakfast of the 71st hole, running up a double bogey. On the par five last he lashed a 3-wood 281 yards to the back of the green, and it rolled to 10 feet. Two-putts and a birdie later he had his second consecutive major.
Self-regarding Idiot of the Year
Steve Williams (ending Ian Poulter’s five-year run of success in this category). Tiger’s former caddy brought out an autobiography in which he thinks that the man who made him a multi-millionaire also owes him an apology. And then (and this is a white man who worked for a black employer) likened part of his job to being treated like a ‘slave’.
Runner-up: Donald Trump. Just for being Donald Trump.
Putt of the Year
Zach Johnson. On the final green of The Open at St Andrews he needed a 30-footer to get into a playoff and canned it. Cool Hand Zach.
Best Result of the Year
Jason Day. He came so close so many times, that to see him land the US PGA Championship for his first major, at last, would have even put a smile on the face of a miserable curmudgeon like Ben Hogan.
Under-Statement of the Year
Peter Alliss. At this year’s Rico Women’s British Open he commented on Donald Trump with the words: ‘When that man gets a bit of confidence he’ll go a long way.’
Major of the Year
The US Open. Great drama, superb play and one of the nicest men in golf, Jordan Spieth, prevailed. Having said that, the other three were pretty good, too.
What Took You so Long? Award of the Year
Rickie Fowler. Supremely talented but under-achieving young American finally does the business. At Sawgrass in the Players’ Championship he came through a four-hole playoff on a day in which he twice birdied the island green 17th. Don’t stop there Rickie.
Stupid Comment of the Year
Sean Foley. Tiger’s former coach was asked if he thought Tiger would ever get back to his best and said: ‘He’s Tiger Woods. If he wants to, he will. It’s that simple.’ No Sean, it’s not. There’s the matter of age, injury and physical deterioration, the responsibilities of fatherhood, the fact that other golfers aren’t intimidated any more, mental issues…
Bizarre Activity of the Year
Anonymous. A golf course in Stavanger, Norway, has a human nocturnal visitor who defaecates into the holes on the greens. He has been doing it since 2005 and the managing director of the club, said: ‘We’re working on the assumption that it could be someone who hates the game of golf.’ He might be right.
Quotes of the Year
The worst celebrity golf cheat? I wish I could tell you that, it would be a shocker. I played with Donald Trump one time. That’s all I’m going to say.
Alice Cooper
Ahh, the guys I play with cheat all the time. I have to cheat just to keep up with them.
Donald Trump
