Reasons to be Cheerful; The Vousden Column

Thought for the Day
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty

Things to make you miserable, part 1
A few numbers to help you feel a bit nauseous. In 2015 Jordan Spieth won $22m. Dustin Johnson has just bought a new home for $4.95m and over the last 10 years, Tiger Woods has been the best paid sportsman in the world, earning $845m, almost $200 million ahead of his closest challenger, boxer Floyd Mayweather.

Things to make you miserable, part 2
Just over a week ago the 2015/16 season on the PGA Tour kicked off. That was on October 15. Is there no rest? At least the European Tour runs until November 22, the conclusion of the DP World Tour Championship, which feels about right – then everyone should take December off and come back raring to go in January. Or at least, that’s what it feels it should be like.

Things to make you miserable, part 3
Matthew Fitzpatrick, as I’m sure you know, is not only the winner of the British Masters at Woburn but is also 21-years-old. And Matthew has form. In addition to winning the Boys Amateur in 2012 he lifted the US Amateur the following year – the first Englishman to do it since Harold Hilton in 1911. Oh, and at the time of his debut win as a pro he had notched up five top-3 finishes; the most of any golfer this season in Europe.
Somewhere in Asia there is probably a foetus who will, within our lifetimes, win all four majors in a calendar year before they reach puberty.

Things to make you miserable, part 4
There can now be little doubt that the torch has been passed and we now have a new generation of superstar golfers, while those with whom we grew up, or whose exploits we have watched and been thrilled by over the last two decades, have handed on the baton. Tiger, who turns 40 in December, is in terminal decline and while he may well win again it seems certain that the Nicklaus record of 18 majors is safe. Phil Mickelson, in his last 43 events has recorded four top-10s and no victories. Ernie Els, meanwhile, is playing on fumes and memories. In contrast Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy and Jason Day look set to fight it out for the title of world number one for some years yet to come.

On a similar note and looking ahead to next year’s Ryder Cup, how many of Europe’s stalwarts of recent years do you think will be at Hazeltine in September? Graeme McDowell, Ian Poulter, Lee Westwood, Luke Donald and Sergio Garcia, a magnificent team backbone in recent contests, have all endured a pretty miserable time of late and would all need to show considerable improvement to warrant even a captain’s pick, never mind play their way onto the team on merit. I’m just saying.

Things to make you miserable, part 5
Marc Warren, currently Scotland’s most successful golfer with a world ranking of 59, grew up in East Kilbride but never visits his home club of the same name, where he learnt to play. He remembers a former club secretary who described the club’s junior section as ‘an invidious growth’ and felt this attitude was reflected by many of the members. Invidious, by the way, is defined by the dictionary to which I referred as: ‘Likely to incur or provoke ill-will; offensively discriminating.’ At my club it’s still possible to play with people who think that juniors should automatically give way to their elders and betters, no matter who is playing the quickest – and let’s face it, chances are that couple of teenagers will move a lot more sharply than a pair of old duffers. Many places still don’t accept juniors as full members, with the same stature and rights as everyone else and yet many clubs are desperate to attract new people. It’s enough to make you weep.

Things to make you cheerful, part 1
Golf has been, is and will be a great game and it’s a pleasure and privilege to be able to continue playing, even if the nights are drawing in and we face five miserable months before we can even contemplate playing in shirt sleeves again.

Now that I think about it, that’s almost another reason to be miserable.

Is nowhere safe?
The magazine Golf Club Management reported recently that a golfer has been found guilty of assault, fined £300 and banned from his club in Northern Ireland after head-butting a fellow member in the clubhouse bar. The incident happened at Templepatrick GC in July 2014 when 57-year-old Wesley Todd enjoyed a few too many snifters and, as the Scots would say: ‘Put the heid’ on a fellow golfer with whom he apparently had a bit of history.

Perhaps a round in bitter cold, wading through mud, isn’t the worst thing that can happen at your golf club after all.

Quote of the Week
Ahh, the guys I play with cheat all the time. I have to cheat just to keep up with them… I don’t drop balls, I don’t move balls. I don’t need to… I’ve played a lot and I’ve played well. There’s very few people that can beat me in golf.
Donald Trump (‘denying’ that he cheats at golf)